Just Because He Asked You Out Doesn’t Mean He’s Interested
Descriptionimage 1362923324612x612.jpg (48.1kB)A few years back I went on two dates with this guy. I stopped seeing him because it was two dates and he asked for half the check even though we shared food. He didn’t even order his own meal. At the time my life was in bitter turmoil because I was out of work with no end in sight. My mom and friends encouraged me to talk to him and give him another chance but I refused. I had feelings for another dude and when that went nowhere, I fell into something with a a 3rd guy. I eventually started working out of town. Anyway, the two dates guy kept in contact with me and tried to get me to go with him for while. I would hear from him at least once a year, around the holidays. 2 years ago, he sent me an album of his sister’s wedding and invited me to go to his friend’s wedding in Mexico. I just got back into town and was thinking about my new job and of course some other guy. The other guy didn’t work out and fell into something else with someone at work, which also didn’t work out either. So here we are 5 years later. Two dates guy contacted me over the holidays and we had a text convo. He suggested we hang out in February. I’m willing to give him another chance because of his persistence. All I want out of life right now is to be with someone who generally cares about me, will be consistent and I can rely on. I thought maybe it’s him. I wanted to go out to see what he was about and if either of us had changed enough to forge ahead together. So I agreed to go out with him in February. He did refer to it as ‘hanging out.’ Well it’s February and I hadn’t heard from him. A friend of mine had prodded me to get in contact with him. I thought about it for a while. I reasoned that he kept up with me for 5 years while I’ve continually blown him off. I felt I should show some interest. So I decided to text him and did so I yesterday. I talked of the weather and asked how his year was going. He text me back good, hope it stops snowing and ttyl. I realize it was a blow off. My question is why would he even suggest hanging out this month just to blow me off? Probably just his ego, right? I just wanted an unbiased opinion and them I’m not going to think about this anymore and move on. Thanks and I appreciate your time and opinion.
I wouldn’t give 2 Dates Guy another thought. First of all, the fact that he would only contact you around the holidays, and always contacted you around the holidays each year, tells me this: He hasn’t been able or interested in maintaining anything long term with anyone else. Red Flag. Either he’s not very good at relationships OR he just doesn’t want anything terribly substantive. So we’ve already established the high likelihood that this guy has issues. I’ve been getting monthly emails from a man on Facebook. I’ve never met him. He emails me every few weeks saying “When am I going to take you for a drink?” The first time it was kind of charming. However I never responded just because this guy said the two things that will always ensure that I never accept an invitation for a date: “I’ve read your blog” and “So… blow job classes, eh?” The second time he emailed, I ignored him. I received my SIXTH email from him a few weeks ago. Here’s a fun fact, kids: A man can look like Colin Firth and have a sexy accent and still be douche bag. Don’t let the accent fool you. Just because he says words like “brilliant” and “darling” doesn’t mean he can’t chop your hands off and shove them in a freezer in the basement. Or lie. We give men like this a free pass because we think they’re different because they don’t sound like American Men. They’re not different. Don’t be bamboozled by charm. Charm is fleeting and it lacks substance. It’s a great way to distract you from the fact that there’s no “there” there. Anyhoo….back to the OP.
The next red flag, and a super creepy one, is that he invites you to attend a wedding with him. Um..2 dates. Over a year ago. He barely knows you. He’s not looking for a date. he’s looking for a buffer that he can schlep around so Noni and Poppi don’t ask any questions and so people don’t inquire why Cousin Two Date Guy “hasn’t met the right girl and settled down yet.”
He bailed because he has issues. That’s all you need to know. No need to drill it down further and try to determine just what his issues were. Boyfriend has ‘em. Enough said.
Now..let’s talk about you, shall we?
All I want out of life right now is to be with someone who generally cares about me, will be consistent and I can rely on.
That sounds fair. Just one question….what will you be bringing to the table? You’re examining the behavior of men, analyzing it, judging it. But what about you? You blew off Mr. 2 Dates because he didn’t offer to cover the tab for food you shared on a second date. It’s all about you and what these men to impress and take care of you. What do you have to offer in return? From the letter, you seem rather scattered and unsettled. You frequently find yourself in dead end situations. So…what about you should make a guy want to get his act together and prove his worth to you?
I’m not saying you don’t have amazing qualities. I’m sure you do. But when you approach these situations with the mentality that it’s all about what the relationship can/should do for you, and not what it can do for both of you, then it’s no wonder you keep chasing your tail.
I think you’re looking for a relationship to make your life easier. Which is perfectly okay. But you should want a relationship to enhance what you already have. Not improve or complete it. If you’re unsettled, the people you are drawn to or attract will also be unsettled. That’s how it works.
